My Healing Journey with Shame

This post is about my healing journey with shame. If you like this, make sure to jump into my free VIBEY Telegram Group, where I share random RIFFS, free tips & advice for women ready to create a freedom based life & business. You can also follow my life & travels on Instagram @thefemme_ceo and DM me to say hey! PS - if you’re looking for intimate sisterhood and high touch support -  I have a 5 month Mastermind called Ascension for coaches & healers looking to scale to 6-figures and beyond. If you’re looking for year-long inspiration and mentorship, I have a year long experience called Becoming where you get access to ALL of my programs, a private Telegram community for sisterhood, AND monthly group biz Q+A sessions. I would love to connect with you now or in the future. To becoming Radiant + Rich, Laura Niese.

One of the biggest issues right now in the world isn’t the pandemic.  

It’s shame.

Until recently, I didn’t know the true definition of shame. When I think of the word shame, a visual of Cersei Lannister of Game of Thrones and her “shame walk” pops into my head. But shame is more than just embarrassment.

Shame is a deep rooted feeling that you are innately not good enough. AND it may be buried sooooo deep within you, that you don’t even realize that it’s hindering you as an adult. 

I am someone who is very high achieving and I hold myself to high standards. I work out regularly to maintain a sexy AF body, I set high goals for myself in my business, and let’s be honest, I’m always striving for success. You could say that I’m a perfectionist… 

So where has all of this hard work gotten me? 

To a LITERAL plateau income wise in my business. I haven’t broken past a certain level of income in three years EVEN THOUGH I feel like everything is working. I am living my best life in Bali, building my dream villa here with my boyfriend I love, and I’m about to jet off to Europe with my best girlfriend. 

But why do I still feel like all of my hard work still feels HARD? Shouldn’t I be to the point where the money is flowing and things are finally EASY BREEZY? Aren’t my receiving channels open? Aren’t I in feminine energy? What’s going on?! 

This past Monday I woke up feeling sticky energy. There had been some drama at a birthday party and I just felt blahhh. Like the anxiety from the weekend was stuck to me somehow. So I messaged my girlfriend to ask if she knew of any energy healers. I wasn’t thinking anything crazy, just something like Reiki to clear things away. 

She gave me an incredible healer’s number and I was so excited! I had never been to a healer before and I was ready to be open and let my ego down for a change and let someone work their magic on me.

Three days passed before the official appointment  and naturally my energy lifted and I was feeling so good and high vibe again! I almost wanted to cancel the appointment, thinking it was a waste of money. THANK GOD I DIDN’T!

I showed up to the villa nervous and excited. I had no idea what was in store.

She lead to me to an upstairs room with blankets, candles, pillows, and altar etc. And then I sat down directly across from her and she asked me why I was there.

I told her, “Well.. I feel like everything in my life is good. I don’t really have much trauma. I really am here because I want to have a bigger impact and empower more women and shine my light brighter.”

She laughed and said, EVERYONE has trauma. She then felt into my energy and said, you’re here because of shame and not feeling good enough. 

The truth of that sank in for me and I nodded. Yeah. I’m here because I was traumatically bullied for most of my childhood.

I told her the stories of me getting duct taped to the floor at a sleepover with a tub of toothpaste in my hair when I was 10.

I told her about the cyber bullying via AOL chat. My parents would always try and help me come up with things to say back but it would always make it worse.

I told her that I quit basketball my sophomore year because the girls were too mean.

All the times they got the boys I was dating to break up with me. 

All the times they got called to the principal's office, which only ever made things worse.

When I got my photo ripped out of the Varsity basketball poster.

She said she wanted to throw up. And admired my resiliency and strength and the women I had become.

And then she opened her energy to me. 

I felt a chill run down my spine and my hairs started standing up all over my whole body. Someone tapped her head. She asked, “did a female on your mother’s side die recently?” 

I said “yes, my Aunt Laura.” I immediately started crying. My aunt was in the room with us, and she told me that she was inspired by me :) She handed the healer a yellow flower. We weren’t sure what that was about, but you will see!

She then asked me to lie down to start the healing.

Before we began, she grabbed a pendulum and held it over my chakras, starting at the Root. 

My root chakra was leaking energy out of one end.

She continued up to my sacral, which was leaking energy out of BOTH ends.

She then held the pendulum over the solar plexus. DEAD. The pendulum was not moving AT ALL. My solar plexus was completely shut.

All other chakras like my heart, throat, third eye, crown, were all functioning accordingly. 

But my poor solar plexus. The shadow of the solar plexus is SHAME.

Because of the constant judgment and criticism, I dove headfirst into my studies and school in order to feel good about myself. I took all AP classes, had 4.0 grades (even in college!) because this left me feeling so confident but ultimately I was being driven by perfectionism and impossible standards. 

Shame was rooted deep in my unconscious and it was completely blocking my limitless potential. When you can finally HEAL your shame and your “not enoughness” you can let go of your limiting beliefs and you get to finally realize that your imperfections are actually YOUR IT FACTOR and the parts of you that others are obsessed with. This is your innate worthiness.

THIS is why my momentum had stalled. 

And so the healer got to work.

I cried and screamed MORE than I had ever let myself scream before. Anger, rage. She guided me through it all. Visuals would pop into her head as I dropped my ego and let her in. It was awful and made her want to throw up.

I have never felt so much energy. My legs were quaking uncontrollably. My hands felt so so hot and tingly I had to start shaking them. My jaw seared with pain.

And when it was all over, she held that pendulum over my first three chakras again. 

For the first time I could finally feel energy in my root and in my sacral. I could finally LET GO and feel totally grounded and safe to be  in my feminine.

And then she held the pendulum over my solar plexus, my power center :)

I could feel swirling energy and tears streamed down my face as I knew in that moment that I had gained back my power. 

The color of the solar plexus?

YELLOW!

My Aunt had handed her a yellow rose to symbolize feminine energy :)

I WAS BACK. Remembering my worthiness and that I am loved just because I am me. 

So many of us in business continue to push and push and DO DO DO and work harder to achieve.

But as women, we really don’t need to. When we can heal our own self-worth and know that we are innately worthy regardless of our external achievements, we are our own greatest power and we become a MAGNET to our souls desires. Not because we have to “WORK HARD” in order to achieve them. But because we simply desire them and we get to pull them in with ease. 

Remember

You are worthy.

You are a Goddess.

You are confident. 

You are deserving of your desires JUST BECAUSE.

Of course just one healing session doesn’t fix everything.

So I will continue to date myself again and continue to fall in love with myself over and over again :) I recommend you to do the same.

XX,

Laura

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